Uncle Frog Discusses the Fat Pride Line of T-Shirts and Gifts

Thin may be in, but fat is where it's at. UncleFrog.net has a big selection of fat pride and fat joke t-shirts and gift items. Hear Uncle Frog's take on what it means to be fat and how fat pride really is a good thing. In this video, hosted on YouTube, you'll get to meet the world famous Uncle Frog as he, in his quirky way, explains the movitation behind the ever so successful Fat Pride merchandise line.


Click twice slowly on the play button above to start the video review of Fat Pride merchandise!

The Boys Play with Frogs

Three boys on a mild and tender spring day play gleefully with some frogs. Leap frog never seemed so interesting and engaging. The smile and squeals of delight as the green frogs jump hither, thither and yon. It reminds you of the childhood days you once had in a gone-by era.

But wait! Is that a deer foot in his hand? All the better to play with frogs. I can't say I've ever played with frogs with a deer foot in my hand before. At least two of these boys in this video seem to have deer feet in their hands. Now, as the realization sets in the moods shifts from one of nostalgia to one of mild dread.

The Stogie & Stinky Show

Join the claymation stars, Stogie and Stinky, on their mad-cap adventure to slay evil and win the girl. The visual elements of the claymation was captured first and completely independent of the sound track. No choreography was laid out in advance. Any synchronization between the visual and audio elements of this claymation production is purely coincidental. You can tell this is was produced using classic claymation techniques by the few frames near the end where hands were accidentally caught in the shots. The degradation of the VHS tape which housed the original footage is evident in this digital reproduction. This pilot episode was shot circa 1992 by Uncle Frog and Brother Frog.

Men, Women and the Bathroom

When we purchased our current home, one of the features (or lack thereof) pointed out to us was that the master bathroom did not have dual sinks. To be frank, the master bathroom is a little small. But I wasn't terribly concerned about this at the time.

You see, logic told me that this would not be an issue. Here are the known facts: There are twenty-four hours in the day, with an average of eight of those hours spent sleeping and another nine hours per day working and commuting. This leaves seven hours. It takes me literally fifteen minutes to get ready (that's for the 3 S's ... you know, sh*t, shower and shave). This means I would only be using 1/28th of this seven hour daily period to get ready for the day. This would leave Mrs. Frog 27/28th of that time available for her to use our master bathroom in complete privacy.

Here are the discovered facts: Whenever I choose to use my 1/28th of the time, aka fifteen minutes, Mrs. Frog decides this is a perfect time for her to use the bathroom.

WTF?!? I can't have fifteen minutes of privacy a day? The math works out. The logic is sound. However, in reality, this still doesn't work as it should.

I'm operating under the assumption (yes, I know what "they" say about assuming) that this is a loving gesture made by a woman that is intended to express her desire to be always close to her loving man ... as opposed to the equally plausible assumption that this is a woman's non-verbal gesture to clearly communicate to the man that there will never be another moment of privacy and that anything the man believes he actually still has all to himself can instantly be taken away by said woman.

Of course Mrs. Frog and your Uncle Frog want to spend every waking moment together, so in that regard this posting is more of an observation than it is a complaint. But if any of you female types out there would wish to comment about how this can possibly happen, we surely would appreciate the insight.

Frogs Don't Scream

Nope. Frogs might cry, yell or even whine a little bit every now and again. But frogs definitely do not scream. UncleFrog, in no way, shape or form condones cruelty to animals. Frogs are people, too. However, I have to admit, this cartoon did give me a warped little chuckle.

The Freak

Some days you feel like a freak, some days a freak feels like you. What kind of day is today?

Songs About Meat Rule the Ears as Steak Rules the Mouth

The only thing better than a big juicy steak is a big juicy steak consumed listening to a song about a big juicy steak. It satisfies so many of our senses ... taste, touch, smell, sight and with the tune-age we even appeal to the sense of hearing.

AVSME has added a couple of pages dedicated to lyrical meat byproducts (meat related songs) to the site. Check out the new meat lovers song pages here.

Look for the links in the left navigation bar designated as "song" and you are on the right track. Do you know of any other meat related songs or parodies that should be featured at AVSME? Let us know in the comment section. Thanks, and enjoy your meat today!

Cloned Meat? It's Deja Stew!

So the FDA will approve the use of cloned animals and products produced by cloned animals into the human food supply. Will every meal from here on out taste exactly the same? Will people be clamoring for their Deja Stew brand beef stew?

Thus far farmers and scientists are claiming that the actual use of cloned animals in the production of food for humans is not cost effective. It is much too expensive to clone an animal for simple human consumption. Therefore, they conclude, that there is nothing to fear. Well, perhaps. Or perhaps some day it will become economically feasible. Perhaps one day it will be cheaper and easier to press a selection button to create new life, than it will be to use regular breeding techniques. Then what?

Just remember ... clones are people two!

In Which Direction Does a Toilet Flush on the Equator?

Growing up we were taught that due to the rotation of the Earth, while toilets flushed and sink basins drained in a counter-clockwise direction in the United States, that the toilets and sinks would drain in a clockwise direction in Australia. Hurricanes can be seen to hold this same swirling pattern depending upon if it was in the northern or southern hemispheres. It all makes perfect sense, and we even have friends who have been to Australia and swear this is true.

Well, this got your Uncle Frog thinking ... dangerous, I know ... which direction does the toilet flush or the sink basis drain if one was exactly upon the Equator? I presented the question to the group of people with whom we were enjoying our Independence Day celebration and no one knew the answer. We speculated that there would be zero rotation exactly upon the equator when the toilet flushed or the sink basin drained. Mrs. Frog even proposed that toilets might flush exactly the same in Australia, and rejected the premise out of turn. Surely someone knows the answer, so I headed out into the World Wide Web to find the answer.

It turns out from my research thus far, that the actual answer to "Which way does the water in a toilet bowl rotate when it is flushed?" is "A toilet will flush in the direction in which it was designed to flush." WHAT?!?! No fancy explanation about the Earth's rotation or the Coriolis force or hemispheres? Nope.

Apparently this is a very widely held misconception. The rotation of the Earth has an immeasurable affect upon something so small as a bowl of water. Whether a toilet flushes in a clockwise or counter-clockwise direction is solely determined by the design of the toilet. Wow, I learn something new every day, and occasionally I even unlearn something new.

Who wants to pick on fat people? Raise your hand!

You can't pick on people because of their race anymore. It's just not acceptable. You can't pick on people because of their gender, or even due to their sexual orientation. It's simply not politically correct. Then who on Earth, by gosh, is left to be the butt of a thousand mean jokes? Fat people, of course!

Now then, before you read too much into this article, let me explain ... I'm a member of the unspoken and eminently informal fat people's club. I'm not advocating picking on our chubby brethren. Not in the least. But you must realize, that for some reason, it still seems acceptable by society to pick on and torment overweight people.

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No, I'm not here to defend the bully actions of other people toward fat men, fat women, fat boys or fat girls. We are here to bring the jokes to light, for it is in the light that the cockroaches go scurrying. If you've got a "few extra pounds" to lose, why put yourself through all the stress and anxiety about it. Simply accept yourself for who you are.

Fat Pride Web Site

We don't discriminate against skinny people here, either. Everyone is welcome. Here we will expose fat jokes for what they are ... funny humor. By embracing it, we diffuse the jokes and slams of their power. We can strip the negativity from it by keeping it in the light. It's hard to tease a fat guy who has "Fatty McButter Pants" across his chest. What are the jokesters going to say? Nothing. So won't you join us over at the Fat Pride site and have some fun?

Anti-Vegetarian Society of Meat Eaters Web Site

The Anti-Vegetarian Society of Meat Eaters (AVSME) isn't really opposed to eating vegetables; they make great side dishes for big juicy steaks, stuffed inside chicken breasts with cheese, or served with flavorful pork chops. AVSME isn't even opposed to the vegetarians themselves. But what grinds our nerves like Grade A ground chuck are the almost militant activities and comments from the most fanatical vegetarians and vegans. Carnivores and Omnivores are people, too.

We continue to see activist and political efforts aimed at being the "Kitchen Police," telling people what they can and cannot eat. This is to what we are vehemently opposed. The most liberal of people scream bloody murder when the government creeps into their bedrooms, but somehow these same people want to force steamed broccoli down our throats and snatch away our rib eye steaks. For shame, fanatical vegans! For shame. You will need to pry our meat from our cold dead hands.

Nutritionists know that meat is a good source of vital protein. Meat lovers know that meat is tasty and delicious. Sounds like a powerful combination to the Anti-Vegetarian Society of Meat Eaters. We fully endorse meat and meat byproducts as part of a well-balanced, nutritional diet.

How can YOU become a member of AVSME? Simply visit the AVSME sundry store and pick yourself up some AVSME gear and sign our guest book. That's all there is to it. If you'd like to kneel down in front of a fellow carnivore and allow that person to slap a raw pork chop on each of your shoulders and then again across your cheek, declare you an official member of AVSME, and then command you to rise ... that's fine by us, but it doesn't really make you any more or less of an AVSME member than those who simply buy an official t-shirt and sign our guest book. But, it could be a lot of fun. Be sure to wash all areas touched by the raw meat, as this is consistent with proper meat handling. And if you do decide to do this, please videotape it, upload it to YouTube and let us know about it.

Solution to the "Seat Up/Seat Down" Debate

Of course you already know about the "Seat Up/Seat Down" debate. Sure you do! Everyone does. Yes, today we are going to talk about urination and domestic responsibility. The fact that you know what I'm referring to with the "Seat Up/Seat Down" reference goes to show how widespread of an issue this truly is.

Before I present my proposed solution to this age old debate, first let me see if I can't briefly capsulate the positions of the men and the women (let me know if I do your gender a disservice with my synopsis).

MEN - The toilet seat should be left up. No one in his or her right mind would sit on a toilet without looking. So if the women happen to fall in, that's their own fault. Potty training should include the side lesson to "look before you leap." Men don't accidentally pee on a closed seat because they look first. The same premise should hold for women.

WOMEN - The toilet seat should be left down. First, see the "falling in" discussion from the men's section above. It's a serious concern, especially for those late night trips. Besides, it is more sanitary and aesthetic to have the toilet seat down. Men use the toilet with the toilet seat down about 25%-50% of the time anyway. Women use the toilet with the toilet seat down about 99% of the time (don't ask me anything more about the 1%, I don't want to talk about it). Thus, even if you only look at the percentage usage of "Seat Up/Seat Down" then the seat should definitely be left down.

What got me thinking about this debate again is that I have recently installed a new toilet in one of our bathrooms. Yes, it only took me a month to complete. But it got done. I am a man.

This particular toilet has the "extended bowl" (imagine a Tim the Toolman Taylor grunt here). I love it. Mrs. Frog thinks it is giant. It's big, but I wouldn't go so far as giant. The design fits in very nicely with pedestal sink and other bathroom accessories. The look was so complete that the fuzzy little toilet seat cover (yuck!) no longer belonged in that room. So of course the toilet seat cover needed to be used somewhere. It is now in the master bathroom.

Bare with me just a moment longer ... I'm getting to the point, but the back-story was slightly important. OK, so we've got three bathrooms in our house. The new one with the elongated bowl ... the seat is too tall and will fall down if not held open about 85% of the time. Now, when I hold up the seat with one hand ... let's just say that things don't always go according to plan and it can sometimes get out of control. I won't elaborate, but let's just say that it's best when men have two free hands available when they urinate.

The master bathroom now has that fuzzy toilet seat cover. And now it is too thick to stay open as well. The seat will fall unless held up. Keep in mind that the toilet in the master bathroom doesn't have the longer toilet seat because it is a regular sized toilet, and therefore is ever so slightly more difficult to keep up while in the process of urination. The third toilet in the house does have a seat that will stay up, but this is the guest bathroom and in the least convenient location of the three (hey, at least we let our guests have their own bathroom).

SOLUTION - Keep the seat down and have the men train on better aim. Think of it like a shooting range. This solution will not work if the cluster is too spread out, but if the man can achieve tight grouping on his shots ... this solution will work just fine. Keep the seat down, stand over top of the toilet (instead of just in front of it) and aim straight down. Be careful of the last few drops and make sure the aim is true. With better aim and concentration, I've found that lifting the toilet seat up is a complete waste of time and energy. Besides, when the toilet seat stays down, the women in the house are happiest.

TAAAA-DAAAA! Problem solved. Commence the commenting.

Brought to you by:


http://www.unclefrog.net/

Stop the Violence -- Stop the Bully

Growing up is tough. I'm glad I don't have to do that again (unless the rumors of incarnation are true, then there would be no choice). One has to learn lessons like ... life isn't fair, and sharing is caring, and don't hit other kids. How is a mere child supposed to remember all of those things? It's hard. I remember.

I've yet to meet a person who doesn't have a bully story. Mostly the stories are about being picked on, but occasionally I run into a reformed bully whose bully stories have them on the "non-getting-hit" side of the story.

Let's face it. Bullying is prevalent and always has been. But what this generation has to fear, that we really didn't, are guns. I'm not going to get into a discussion about guns and gun control today (other than the quick comment that I think we need more trained, concealed weapons carriers around). We had to keep an eye out for the occasional knife or bat, but school shootings were extremely few and far between (of course we only had three TV stations back then, so maybe we just didn't hear about the school shootings). But I digress...

Bullies can be found in the schoolyard waiting for nerds like your Uncle Frog here to come outside on the playground instead of staying indoors at my desk drawing dinosaurs during recess. Bullies can be found in the office environment belittling co-workers and jamming assignments down the throats of their subordinates. Bullies can be found in political positions who beat us all up and take our milk money in the form of compulsory taxes. And sometimes bullies can be found in one's own home, the one place that should be a sanctuary from bullying.

Bullying is wrong. Bullies are mean. A bully needs to be stopped. I think it comes down to drugs, hugs, and bugs. But I'm no psychologist bully expert. Drugs ... put the little hellions on some medication to curb their rage. Hugs ... poor little monsters just need some love and attention. And bugs ... get a group of nerds coordinated and their always-working minds can devise a devious plot to vanquish the target bully as if a swarm of bugs.

But heck ... what does a simple frog know about social structure and human personal interaction? Ribbit. Ribbit. Anyway, our line of Bully Wear isn't to promote bullying, but rather to promote ANTI-bullying. Much like wearing the "A" in the Scarlet Letter, brand your worst bully with some Uncle Frog Bully Wear.

And to help spread the word of Anti-Bullying Awareness, we present this 1-minute video to share with your friends, family and colleagues. Don't you have a minute to help and stop a bully?



Brought to you by: UncleFrog.net

Pick one and stick with it, ladies. Please!

Ok, so I'm all aboard the Women's Lib train. Choo! Choo! But seriously, ladies, please pick a stance and stick with it. Either there are roles best suited to a male or female, or we are all equals. But which one is it?!?

If men and women are truly equals ....

Why is it the man's job to kill the stray mouse or bug that wanders into the home?

Why is it the man's job to spread the eight cubic yards of topsoil and the six cubic yards of cypress mulch that has been delivered?

Why is it the man's job to climb on the roof to conduct all sorts of dangerous odd jobs like roof repair, waterproofing, chimney sweep or hanging Christmas lights?

Why is it the man's job to haul the 40-pound bags of kitty litter into the house, or the 80-pound bags of dog food?

Why is it the man's job to replace the toilet that suddenly started leaking for some unfathomable reason?

Why is it the man's job to clean up all the dog poop in the yard?

Why is it the man's job to cut the grass, trim the walks, edge the driveway, prune the trees and clip the hedges?

Why are there still so many "Men's Jobs" still reserved for guys, but the poor guys will wind up with a law suit, a slap or drink in the face, or night in the dog house if we even come close to suggesting there still are such things as "Women's Jobs?"

Are we equals? Or are we not? I'm soooooo confused. *sigh*

Fatty McButter-Pants

New Year's resolutions gone by the wayside yet? Is your favorite winter sport couch-surfing? Then have no fear, you're favorite t-shirt is here! The dark color t-shirts come in sizes all the way up to 3XL. So if you're supersized, you've earned the honor of being able to really wear this label!

Fatty McButter-Pants

The Fatty McButter-Pants design also comes on a military green t-shirt, perfect bar shirt for hoisting green beers on St. Patty's Day, too. Imagine the fun you'll have wearing this at your local gym. Some people will even wear this design as inspiration to keep going on the New Year's diet and fitness resolution. We're glad to be a small part of your inspiration. Enjoy!

Happy Thanksgiving, Turkey!

Gobble, gobble, gobble. It's Thanksgiving Day! Turkey Day is here! It's just like Christmas, except for the pressure of gift giving, the lack of all that messy tinsel, the festive holiday lights and the birth of baby Jesus. But other than that, it is like an early Christmas. Dare I say that it is even better than Christmas?

This year we will be hosting a small subsection of our family in our home for Thanksgiving. It is the first time we've been given this privilege (obligation?). Our local grocery store has Thanksgiving packages available to order, all pre-cooked! And our family subset, fortunately, was not deterred by our "Thanksgiving in a box."

Happy Thanksgiving, Turkey!

Check this out ... For $50 the package includes enough to feed 6-8 people. A nice sized, precooked turkey with stuffing, mash potatoes, gravy, green bean casserole, cranberry relish, and a dozen dinner rolls. We're not even sure one could purchase all the ingredients for $50, let alone the time and potential grief averted by having this bounty precooked. If it tastes as good as it looks, we can't fathom why anyone wouldn't take the grocery store up on this offer (sure, no one can make gravy like mother ... but still!).

On this day, we give thanks. Sure there has been trials and tribulations throughout the year, but without these challenges our occasional victories would not taste so sweet. We give thanks to the supporters of UncleFrog, present and future. All y'all are the best!

Happy Thanksgiving, Turkey! Enjoy!

Didn't claw my way up the food chain so I could eat vegetables.

Brought to you by the Anti-Vegetarian Society of Meat Eaters (AVSME), this classic meatatarian saying comes on a variety of shirt and gear.

I didn't claw my way up the food chain so I could eat vegetables.

That's one of our personal favorites. One that I don't see that maybe they'll have one day soon is "Vegetables aren't food. Vegetables are what food eats." LOL!

The mental imagery of clawing oneself up a physical food chain is bluntly vivid. The bold, clear green and black text captures the struggle between carbon based life and plant life. The saying is an answer to the unasked question of a Vegan. Meat is neat. Enjoy!!

Grossest Button Candidate: The Belly Button

The Belly Button

That's right, you can get yourself a mighty fine belly button button right here. Wear it as you would any other button. How clever having a belly button on a button. Great gift!

All I have to say is "eeeewwwww!" Pin this button on your t-shirt where your navel should be. How funny is that?! It would look like someone could see right through your shirt at your gross, hairy belly button. That would be nasty. That would be totally hilarious. Talk about a gross and funny. The Belly Button button should be a candidate for the Grossest Button award.