Monday, June 25, 2007

Anti-Vegetarian Society of Meat Eaters Web Site

The Anti-Vegetarian Society of Meat Eaters (AVSME) isn't really opposed to eating vegetables; they make great side dishes for big juicy steaks, stuffed inside chicken breasts with cheese, or served with flavorful pork chops. AVSME isn't even opposed to the vegetarians themselves. But what grinds our nerves like Grade A ground chuck are the almost militant activities and comments from the most fanatical vegetarians and vegans. Carnivores and Omnivores are people, too.

We continue to see activist and political efforts aimed at being the "Kitchen Police," telling people what they can and cannot eat. This is to what we are vehemently opposed. The most liberal of people scream bloody murder when the government creeps into their bedrooms, but somehow these same people want to force steamed broccoli down our throats and snatch away our rib eye steaks. For shame, fanatical vegans! For shame. You will need to pry our meat from our cold dead hands.

Nutritionists know that meat is a good source of vital protein. Meat lovers know that meat is tasty and delicious. Sounds like a powerful combination to the Anti-Vegetarian Society of Meat Eaters. We fully endorse meat and meat byproducts as part of a well-balanced, nutritional diet.

How can YOU become a member of AVSME? Simply visit the AVSME sundry store and pick yourself up some AVSME gear and sign our guest book. That's all there is to it. If you'd like to kneel down in front of a fellow carnivore and allow that person to slap a raw pork chop on each of your shoulders and then again across your cheek, declare you an official member of AVSME, and then command you to rise ... that's fine by us, but it doesn't really make you any more or less of an AVSME member than those who simply buy an official t-shirt and sign our guest book. But, it could be a lot of fun. Be sure to wash all areas touched by the raw meat, as this is consistent with proper meat handling. And if you do decide to do this, please videotape it, upload it to YouTube and let us know about it.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Count Down To Independence Day

Solution to the "Seat Up/Seat Down" Debate

Of course you already know about the "Seat Up/Seat Down" debate. Sure you do! Everyone does. Yes, today we are going to talk about urination and domestic responsibility. The fact that you know what I'm referring to with the "Seat Up/Seat Down" reference goes to show how widespread of an issue this truly is.

Before I present my proposed solution to this age old debate, first let me see if I can't briefly capsulate the positions of the men and the women (let me know if I do your gender a disservice with my synopsis).

MEN - The toilet seat should be left up. No one in his or her right mind would sit on a toilet without looking. So if the women happen to fall in, that's their own fault. Potty training should include the side lesson to "look before you leap." Men don't accidentally pee on a closed seat because they look first. The same premise should hold for women.

WOMEN - The toilet seat should be left down. First, see the "falling in" discussion from the men's section above. It's a serious concern, especially for those late night trips. Besides, it is more sanitary and aesthetic to have the toilet seat down. Men use the toilet with the toilet seat down about 25%-50% of the time anyway. Women use the toilet with the toilet seat down about 99% of the time (don't ask me anything more about the 1%, I don't want to talk about it). Thus, even if you only look at the percentage usage of "Seat Up/Seat Down" then the seat should definitely be left down.

What got me thinking about this debate again is that I have recently installed a new toilet in one of our bathrooms. Yes, it only took me a month to complete. But it got done. I am a man.

This particular toilet has the "extended bowl" (imagine a Tim the Toolman Taylor grunt here). I love it. Mrs. Frog thinks it is giant. It's big, but I wouldn't go so far as giant. The design fits in very nicely with pedestal sink and other bathroom accessories. The look was so complete that the fuzzy little toilet seat cover (yuck!) no longer belonged in that room. So of course the toilet seat cover needed to be used somewhere. It is now in the master bathroom.

Bare with me just a moment longer ... I'm getting to the point, but the back-story was slightly important. OK, so we've got three bathrooms in our house. The new one with the elongated bowl ... the seat is too tall and will fall down if not held open about 85% of the time. Now, when I hold up the seat with one hand ... let's just say that things don't always go according to plan and it can sometimes get out of control. I won't elaborate, but let's just say that it's best when men have two free hands available when they urinate.

The master bathroom now has that fuzzy toilet seat cover. And now it is too thick to stay open as well. The seat will fall unless held up. Keep in mind that the toilet in the master bathroom doesn't have the longer toilet seat because it is a regular sized toilet, and therefore is ever so slightly more difficult to keep up while in the process of urination. The third toilet in the house does have a seat that will stay up, but this is the guest bathroom and in the least convenient location of the three (hey, at least we let our guests have their own bathroom).

SOLUTION - Keep the seat down and have the men train on better aim. Think of it like a shooting range. This solution will not work if the cluster is too spread out, but if the man can achieve tight grouping on his shots ... this solution will work just fine. Keep the seat down, stand over top of the toilet (instead of just in front of it) and aim straight down. Be careful of the last few drops and make sure the aim is true. With better aim and concentration, I've found that lifting the toilet seat up is a complete waste of time and energy. Besides, when the toilet seat stays down, the women in the house are happiest.

TAAAA-DAAAA! Problem solved. Commence the commenting.

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Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Stop the Violence -- Stop the Bully

Growing up is tough. I'm glad I don't have to do that again (unless the rumors of incarnation are true, then there would be no choice). One has to learn lessons like ... life isn't fair, and sharing is caring, and don't hit other kids. How is a mere child supposed to remember all of those things? It's hard. I remember.

I've yet to meet a person who doesn't have a bully story. Mostly the stories are about being picked on, but occasionally I run into a reformed bully whose bully stories have them on the "non-getting-hit" side of the story.

Let's face it. Bullying is prevalent and always has been. But what this generation has to fear, that we really didn't, are guns. I'm not going to get into a discussion about guns and gun control today (other than the quick comment that I think we need more trained, concealed weapons carriers around). We had to keep an eye out for the occasional knife or bat, but school shootings were extremely few and far between (of course we only had three TV stations back then, so maybe we just didn't hear about the school shootings). But I digress...

Bullies can be found in the schoolyard waiting for nerds like your Uncle Frog here to come outside on the playground instead of staying indoors at my desk drawing dinosaurs during recess. Bullies can be found in the office environment belittling co-workers and jamming assignments down the throats of their subordinates. Bullies can be found in political positions who beat us all up and take our milk money in the form of compulsory taxes. And sometimes bullies can be found in one's own home, the one place that should be a sanctuary from bullying.

Bullying is wrong. Bullies are mean. A bully needs to be stopped. I think it comes down to drugs, hugs, and bugs. But I'm no psychologist bully expert. Drugs ... put the little hellions on some medication to curb their rage. Hugs ... poor little monsters just need some love and attention. And bugs ... get a group of nerds coordinated and their always-working minds can devise a devious plot to vanquish the target bully as if a swarm of bugs.

But heck ... what does a simple frog know about social structure and human personal interaction? Ribbit. Ribbit. Anyway, our line of Bully Wear isn't to promote bullying, but rather to promote ANTI-bullying. Much like wearing the "A" in the Scarlet Letter, brand your worst bully with some Uncle Frog Bully Wear.

And to help spread the word of Anti-Bullying Awareness, we present this 1-minute video to share with your friends, family and colleagues. Don't you have a minute to help and stop a bully?

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Monday, June 18, 2007

The Great Faith Race: Round 3 is a wonderfully diverse marketplace. Which led me to wonder how diverse it really is. Therefore, I decided to run an experiment called "The Great Faith Race." I took a sampling of major religions or religious figures and searched in the CafePress marketplace to see how many designs came up. Then I just sorted the results and am sharing them below. I ran this list the first time on April 30, 2007 and the second time on May 15, 2007 so I'll also include comparison data.

Notes ... The comparison data is for data on 6/10/07 compared to 5/15/07. Cthulhu has been added this round at the request of one of our blog readers (so keep the suggestions/comments coming!). Islam is now higher on the list than Satan (no idea what this means, if anything, so if you read into it, that's all you) Vishnu had the highest percentage increase, followed by Muhammad, Islam, Allah and Wicca. God, Christian and Jesus continue to dominate the top three.

NOTE: Although this appears to be very scientific in nature, this assumption should not be made. In other words, this is an unscientific study.

Feel free to add your comments or observations. If I ever feel compelled to run "The Great Faith Race" again, did I miss any of your favorite religions or religious icons? Let us know!

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Have a Froggy Father's Day!

Father's Day is a primarily secular holiday inaugurated in the early 20th century to complement Mother's Day in celebrating fatherhood and parenting by males, and
to honor and commemorate fathers and forefathers. Father's Day is celebrated on a variety of dates worldwide, and typically involves gift-giving to fathers and family-oriented activities.

In the United States, the first modern Father's Day celebration was held on July 5, 1908, in Fairmont, West Virginia. It was first celebrated as a church service at Williams Memorial Methodist Episcopal Church South, now known as Central United Methodist Church. Grace Golden Clayton, who is believed to have suggested the service to the pastor, is believed to have been inspired to celebrate fathers after the deadly mine explosion in nearby Monongah the prior December. This explosion killed 361 men, many of them fathers and recent immigrants to the United States from Italy. Another possible inspiration for the service was Mother's Day, which was recently celebrated for the first time in Grafton, West Virginia, a town about 15 miles away.

Another driving force behind the establishment of the celebration of Father's Day was Mrs. Sonora Smart Dodd, born in Creston, Washington. Her father, the Civil War veteran William Jackson Smart, as a single parent raised his six children in Spokane, Washington. She was inspired by Anna Jarvis's efforts to establish Mother's Day. Although she initially suggested June 5, the anniversary of her father's death, she did not provide the organizers with enough time to make arrangements, and the celebration was deferred to the third Sunday of June. The first June Father's Day was celebrated on June 19, 1910, in Spokane.

Unofficial support from such figures as William Jennings Bryan was immediate and widespread. President Woodrow Wilson was personally feted by his family in 1916. President Calvin Coolidge recommended it as a national holiday in 1924. In 1966, President Lyndon Johnson made father's Day a holiday to be celebrated on the third Sunday of June. The holiday was not officially recognized until 1972, during the presidency of Richard Nixon.

In recent years, retailers have adapted to the holiday by selling male-oriented gifts such as electronics and tools. Schools and other children's programs commonly have activities to make Father's Day gifts.

Pick one and stick with it, ladies. Please!

Ok, so I'm all aboard the Women's Lib train. Choo! Choo! But seriously, ladies, please pick a stance and stick with it. Either there are roles best suited to a male or female, or we are all equals. But which one is it?!?

If men and women are truly equals ....

Why is it the man's job to kill the stray mouse or bug that wanders into the home?

Why is it the man's job to spread the eight cubic yards of topsoil and the six cubic yards of cypress mulch that has been delivered?

Why is it the man's job to climb on the roof to conduct all sorts of dangerous odd jobs like roof repair, waterproofing, chimney sweep or hanging Christmas lights?

Why is it the man's job to haul the 40-pound bags of kitty litter into the house, or the 80-pound bags of dog food?

Why is it the man's job to replace the toilet that suddenly started leaking for some unfathomable reason?

Why is it the man's job to clean up all the dog poop in the yard?

Why is it the man's job to cut the grass, trim the walks, edge the driveway, prune the trees and clip the hedges?

Why are there still so many "Men's Jobs" still reserved for guys, but the poor guys will wind up with a law suit, a slap or drink in the face, or night in the dog house if we even come close to suggesting there still are such things as "Women's Jobs?"

Are we equals? Or are we not? I'm soooooo confused. *sigh*

Saturday, June 16, 2007

The Birth of the NEW Uncle Frog's Blog

Happy Zero'th Birthday to Uncle Frog! Born again upon this here lily pad on Saturday, June 16th of 2007. We've finally torn down the old structure, sans just a couple of historic posts for posterity sake. It's rather exciting heading off into a new direction. Yet a strange sense of melancholy beckons at the remembrance of tearing down oh so many links to oh so many humorous and touching t-shirts. But onward and upward as "they" like to say!